dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
