So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
