I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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