Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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