Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
