Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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