yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
