i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
