..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
