Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
