so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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