U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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