Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
