You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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