Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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