Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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