Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
