bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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