I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
