The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We left the knife in your bed.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
