Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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