I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
