also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize