Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
