Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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