Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize
