i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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