Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
did i walk over a car last night?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
