Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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