I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
