That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
