I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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