Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
