I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
