I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I don't deserve a penis
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize