I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
