I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
