found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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