I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
