if i can run in heels then i can drive
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
