meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize