I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
