Just fell off a train. Bad.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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