I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
