Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
