I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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