oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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