Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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