yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
