Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
even my farts smell like vagina
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
