Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
