Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
