so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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