My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
