i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
