i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
