so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
