um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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