Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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