Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My bed smells like the plague
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
