you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
