he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My balls are so social today.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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