I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
