you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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