Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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