What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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