i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
