So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
