It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
