I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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