tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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