who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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