you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
