guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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