you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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