fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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